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Neighbor kids a problem? By Nikki Pyle-McDonald
October 28, 2007
Recently, a friend told me of an experience with one of her neighbor’s kids. Apparently, the child “expected” to have a sleep-over at my friend’s house. She had not invited the child plus she didn’t even know the kid’s parents.
I have heard this story many times with different variations. The whole issue seems to stem from some parents thinking “better you than me” regarding spending time with their own kids.
This manifests itself into many annoying occurrences. Do any of the following situations sound familiar to you?
· The child shows up daily at your house (not unlike at a daycare).
· When the child finally goes home, he comes right back saying “My mom’s not home.”
· The kid’s mother gives you instructions about taking care of her child (i.e. she needs to wear her sweater today)...and you didn’t even offer to babysit.
· When you host a family gathering and try to send the neighbor kids home, they keep coming back.
· The mother volunteers her child to accompany your family, no matter where you are going. As in, “Oh, she just loooves hardware stores! She won’t be a problem.”
· Dusk approaches and the mother can’t locate her child.
· The mother considers silly errands urgent (must buy soda). Of course, she has no choice but to leave the kids at your house.
· The mother is often too busy to reciprocate with a play date at her house.
· You have never even met the mother of the children visiting you so often (don’t kid yourself, you’re babysitting).
As I talk with more people, I find these scenarios are extremely common. I can’t remember this type of thing when I was growing up. Are people just more nervy these days?
I’ve spent a lot of mental energy trying to figure this out. I used to think my push-over personality was the cause. However, I’m finding that the mothers I have problems with, other mothers have problems with as well.
Perhaps it’s the fault of parenting magazines advising mothers to get some time off by trading babysitting with a friend. But, true friendships are not created with the sole purpose of exchanging jobs. That’s not friendship. That’s job sharing.
I have become a bit jaded when meeting new families. I try not to get too close before figuring out if they see me as a new friend or free nanny staff. Just because people are nice doesn’t indicate anything.
So, what’s a good neighbor to do?
· Give new neighbors the benefit of the doubt. Chances are they are responsible people.
· Assist when necessary. We all need help getting over rough patches.
· If you find you are being used for free babysitting, gather information about one of those hourly daycare businesses. Make copies. Keep the information handy and boast about how wonderful hourly daycare is.
· When the three-year-old neighbor consistently rang our doorbell during my baby’s naptime, I wanted to hang a “do not disturb” sign on the front door. She couldn’t read, so instead I cut a picture out of a magazine of a baby sleeping and hung that picture on the door. I told her that when she sees the baby picture on the front door, come back another time.
· We all want to help others, but we also want our space respected. Instead of being available to inconsiderate neighbors, donate your energy by volunteering for an established organization where expectations are clear.
· The most common reason people allow themselves to get taken advantage of is they don’t want to offend the “takers.” Of course, takers aren’t enemies, but they really aren’t true friends. They think nothing of requesting odd jobs and putting people in uncomfortable situations. You just can’t deal with these people the same way you deal with polite people. Make sure you are busy or just make something up. Don’t worry if they see through your fib. It’s a passive-aggressive way of letting them know you aren’t thrilled to take on their responsibilities.
· If you need another reason to say no to rude neighbors, realize by being available at their whim, you are an enabler. If you are with their kids more than they are, you are preventing the parents from giving their kids the home life necessary. Your family deserves your attention. Their family deserves theirs.
Of course, every once in a while, babysitters are necessary. I don’t mind whatsoever helping a neighbor in a pinch. It’s not that difficult to determine true need and being taken for granted.
Be reassured...because kids enjoy being at your house, this means you have successfully created warmth and comfort in your home.
About the author: Nikki Pyle-McDonald is a stay-at-home mom who loves to write in and about the ‘burbs of St. Charles County.
Copyright 2007 Neighbors About Town
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